IT’S ABOUT TIME

Dear People, I have not abandoned or forgotten about DOODAH, far from it, I think about posting daily but haven’t been able to actually sit down and DO IT! Finally, here I am and here is Leaf on our wedding day, seven years ago.

Since he went into the dementia unit in Lannemezan hospital geriatric facility, he has deteriorated. Of that there is no doubt. But it is slow and currently he seems to be on a plateau – long may this last. 

He is always well-groomed and nearly always ‘ambulating’ the unit when I arrive. He walks round and round all day whilst most of the others loll in armchairs. He is nearly always barefoot, walks slowly and carefully, as if aware he might come across an obstacle. We go into his room when I visit, otherwise there is too much distraction and I might as well not be there.

I take fruit, cakes, coffee or juice and something to engage his attention – which is pretty hard. He can’t stay still. Getting him to sit down to eat and drink is hard. He can be very stubborn. 

The room is bare – just the bed and an armchair. There’s a small table in the cupboard and another chair in the bathroom. Both may or may not be locked. His attention goes quickly to unmaking the bed, checking out the contents of the bathroom and the cupboard, if unlocked, and tracing the wallpaper with his fingers. He also tries to pull plugs off the wall which freaks me somewhat. 

On the good side, he knows who I am and is always pleased to see me. My name escapes him but he knows I’m his wife and that’s all that seems to matter. He’s affectionate, usually smiley and can even manage the odd wry remark. Meaningful sentences are impossible now. He starts off well then can’t remember what he was going to say. At least his words are still coherent even if they trail off into indecipherable mumbling. 

I tell him about the family, our friends, the dogs, the world situation and what I’ve been doing. He appears to listen but it’s unlikely he takes any of it in. Sometimes I can persuade him to have a dance which he finds very funny – so do I. I’ve taken my computer to show him photographs, a small cassette player and his favourite music, books and, most recently, a set of Russian dolls to see if he can fathom how they work – he did and he didn’t. He decided the bottom halves must be cups and tried to drink from them. He almost took a mouthful of shower gel the other day when trying to discover how the bathroom tap works. He can drink perfectly well from a cup but I have to take it off him before he spills it on the floor. Eating cake can be a messy business!

How do I feel about all this? I get through the visits as best I can – a hour maximum is about all either of us can take. The emotional lump in my throat is enormous. As I make my way to the car, I hold back from choking. Seeing the love of my life, my soul mate, dying a slow death, is heart-breaking. On the way home, I carefully tuck the pain back into its compartment. Some say I should let it out and occasionally I do, but anyone who has had to control their emotions over a long period will, I think, agree that we need to learn to come to terms with the situation and make the best of it. Being a Poor Me and caving in is not an option. One Godsend is that neither of us is afraid of death. When it comes, it will be at the right time and, I believe, totally liberating.

The biggest help has been the knowledge that the cure is on its way and that it will be available as soon as certain ‘world cleansing’ events have taken place. I won’t go into any detail on this; those who have done their due diligence and researched thoroughly will know exactly what I’m talking about. Those who haven’t, won’t have a clue. Mercifully, it would appear we’re reaching a point where TRUTH will prevail and anyone who hasn’t been paying attention may well find it very difficult to accept. Life, as we knew it, will never return. 

In my later blogs and as a dedicated and persistent researcher (born of being a writer/blogger/correspondent and eternally curious person) I tried to open minds. I believed that people would want to be pointed in the direction of truth, to learn what is ACTUALLY happening in our world and to be prepared. I was, for the most part, mistaken. What I had to report was too uncomfortable, too extreme and, as I have discovered, there are few people who are prepared to stand out for their beliefs, most want to fit in. If that means accepting the official narrative on any issue, they will do so, regardless of logic and rightness. People like me, and incidentally we are legion now, are dangerous, unacceptable and definitely not worthy of a place in everyday society (the Matrix basically). 

This was almost two years ago. I have discovered in that time that I’m far from alone and the Internet is fairly buzzing with Truth Seekers of all nationalities, colours and creeds. People who, like me, are unprepared to blindly accept whatever the controllers of our world hand out. We have gone down the rabbit holes deeper and deeper and learnt enough to join all the dots. It has been fascinating and we are immensely happy to be witnessing the unravelling of the unacceptable agendas of the ruling elite. 

We have now reached the stage where we only answer questions asked and don’t volunteer information. We have come together as new ‘tribes’ either in person or online. We have met some incredible people and broadened our knowledge of matters terrestrial and esoteric. As an example of the latter, the number of UFO sightings has increased exponentially and for those who aren’t convinced we are alone in our solar system and beyond, this is all fascinating. For anyone who is open-minded enough to want to know more, Michael Salla’s website (aka Exopolitics Today) is an endless source of info and in-depth interviews. (Aside: Star Trek, Stargate, Battlestar Galactica and Deep Space 9 fans will love this site!) Which leads me to say that films and TV series are deliberately ‘predictive programming’. What is depicted as Science Fiction all too often becomes Science Fact in time. A later episode of The X Files used the recent ‘pandemic’ situation as its storyline down to the last detail, years before 2020! Anyway …

On a more current note, the astute will have become aware that climate change is the latest ‘bogeyman’ with weather manipulation backing that up. Yes, it has been very hot and our gardens are wilting but the measures being put forward by the WEF via many of our governments, are ludicrous to say the least. Zero Carbon, for God’ sake, no carbon, no photosynthesis! Witness the magnificent protest of the Dutch farmers along with others across Europe – whoops that probably won’t be mentioned in the mainstream media. Very little of note is these days. 

Going outside in this heat is not really an option, keeping cool in the house, especially for those of us on the wrong side of 75, is important. Our thermostats are not so well calibrated. I spend my time drawing and painting and have found enormous pleasure in doing so. Flexing the creative muscles is akin to meditation in my experience and reminds me that I am not just a sad woman watching her beloved die a slow death. The two dogs are content to laze at my feet or on the nearest chair. They are a tremendous comfort and remind me I am truly cared for. 

Sending love, blessings and lashings of positive energy to you all. 

AFTERWORD:

(Please don’t comment unless you have something uplifting and positive to say – sanctimonious accusations and sarcastic or scornful words will not be posted. Thanks.)