LONG DIVISION?

These last few months have taught me many things.  Things I hadn’t thought  I would need to learn, at least not yet.  Today I’m concentrating on separation and division.

Living through enforced isolation has highlighted how much disability separates us, especially if our handicap is mental.

A MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE

Leaf is the fittest man I know.  He may look frail but he’s in good, slender shape and I’ve never known him to be ill in the nineteen years we’ve been together.  Of course there have been minor chassis problems, after all he’s in his seventies now, but there’s a chance he could live for another twenty years – I don’t know.  Whether I’ll be able to keep going for that long is another matter!  And whether he will end up sitting in a chair staring into space, I don’t know that either.  What I do know is that his ability to do just about anything is fading fast.  Mostly because his memory is so bad, he can’t remember where the bathroom is, which country we live in, how many people live here, where we usually eat and where the hell he’s put the dog-lead, his hat, his penknife, his euro coin or whatever is the latest thing he carries around the house.  Yes, it’s as exhausting listing just some of them as it is looking for them.  Nonetheless and notwithstanding this he can still become enthralled by learning new things.

HAPPIER DAYS

Soon after we met, I nicknamed  him The Brain from Spain – he’d lived there for thirteen years.  I was able to get an answer to almost any question about history, geography, literature and the music of the sixties and seventies that I cared to put to him.  He was an asset to any quiz team, a whizz at Scrabble, a very sharp card player, a good writer and a strong debater.  Now, apart from the music ones, he is more or less unable to cope with any of these.  In fact he hardly speaks except to come out with complete nonsense.  So from what and how is he now learning?

As I think I’ve mentioned before, he’s become a fan of TED talks – forever enthralling and extraordinarily varied – plus he enjoys watching videos of alternative media reports.  His latest love is AMAZING POLLY.  Well, I can see why.  I’ll link to one of her reports on OTHERWISE.  When things get too difficult, I can connect the computer to the TV and he will watch for hours.  For now, this is a huge relief because I’ve become hard-pushed to find something to keep him occupied and he’s inclined to ruminate if not distracted.  The studio is now locked because he can no longer paint and any gardening is beyond him, even weeding.  He reads but forgets almost immediately what he’s read.

ALL ONE BIG MUDDLE

Before the isolation business I was able to arrange social events which helped him feel he’s still part of our group of friends.  Now he realises how separated he’d actually become.  We’d both noticed how people tended to talk to me and not him.  I’m very aware of who we look at when we talk to more than one person. I believe not making eye-contact with each listener can be unkind and insulting.  A handicapped person suffers hugely when they’re made to feel left out – excluded.

I know it’s difficult for those people who have absolutely no experience of interacting with a person living with dementia.  They simply don’t know how to BE.  Don’t know what’s needed.  Warmth, patience, tolerance and a good sense of humour are all important along with the ability to be easy-going, confident and unshockable and NORMAL!

My job, now we’re out of prison, is to re-start our social life so Leaf can feel he isn’t really an outcast and that people actually care about him, and me for that matter.

CONNECTING

This isn’t going to be easy because we’re all in a situation that has not only separated but divided us too.  Aside from horrible and harmful societal divisions such as race, religion, gender, sexual orientation and political choices, it has become evident the human race is further split into three groups now.  Those who believe the official narrative and do as they’re told without question, those who are totally confused by the current global chaos and those who are convinced there’s a hidden agenda.  What we can all see, however, is that life will never be the same again.

What can we do to heal these rifts and work towards a better world?

There will be no moving those who are determined to follow the rules because they’re convinced that what we’re told to do is in our best interests.  The only way they might change their minds is if the rules prove to be quite simply, wrong.  Those who are unsure, the fifty shades of gray people, can decide just what it is they feel uncomfortable with and do some research.  The rest can, and are, getting in touch with each other to root out and reveal any who seek to profit from the situation and advance their own agendas.  Those who clearly will not have the best interests of humankind at heart.

Leaf and I know exactly which group we belong to and we also know how that will affect our relationships.  This is a good reason to re-think as well as re-start our social life.

Perhaps, just perhaps, we all need to decide where we stand and, if necessary, to create a soul circle that reflects WHO WE REALLY ARE.

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