When I was fifty-seven, I met a man. Attractive, funny, highly intelligent, affectionate, romantic, widely travelled, wise and very kind. Of course, there’s more to say about him but as he’s not the subject of this post, I mustn’t spend too much time eulogising! But to finish what I want to say …
His name is Leaf and we’ve been together almost twenty years now. In 2015, we got married, here in France – it was wonderful day as wedding days should be.
HAPPINESS
Five years on and I’m married to another version of that man. He’s still kind (mostly), romantic and affectionate but Alzheimer’s has taken Leaf from me and I find myself carer to the equivalent of a youngster with learning difficulties, worsened by SAS and ADD, who talks nonsense a good deal of the time and has trouble understanding much of what I say. And, the other night, he turned on me accusing me of all sorts of crazy stuff. Not good. It isn’t easy caring for him and I’m usually stressed. But we were managing until the big CV took over everyone’s lives. Isolation is taking its toll on us – no visitors and no carers. It’s unrelenting and hard not to become depressed with what’s going on. Anyone with any imagination will realise life can never be the same again.
We’ve been plunged into an abyss and, as each day goes by, the picture looks more and more bleak, and very confusing. We can do our bit and hope, but those with enquiring minds will be asking …
- ‘What’s really going on?’ Time will tell. All sorts of discomforting ideas are flying about, none are encouraging.
- ‘Is the stuff we’re seeing on mainstream media an absolutely true picture?’ No – is it ever?
- ‘Ought we to be seriously concerned about the future?’ Yes. What we can do to prepare ourselves depends on our circumstances.
A WORLD ENGULFED?
Those of us wanting to understand why this particular flu virus has overturned all our lives, must prepare to spend time on some serious research, making sure we know the background to each site/individual/source, of course. Once we do, we’ll be confronted by some pretty dire revelations and predictions. If we’re not keen to do that research we can, nonetheless, ask a few pertinent questions, which might include:
VACCINES, ALWAYS A HOT TOPIC
- tests are becoming available – how effective are they? Have the tests been properly tested?
- we’re told a vaccine should be on the way by the end of the year. If so, what might it contain? Vaccine ingredients are frequently shrouded in secrecy. We would need to check that out for ourselves if it concerns us
- what about micro-chipping? Word is going around that the vaccine could also contain a micro-chip. If there’s any truth in this, why? Unless the reasons given are sound and, on the face of it, plausible, what other reasons might there be?
- are masks and gloves necessary and effective?
- there have been past warnings of the necessity for our governments to be prepared for a pandemic – why weren’t they?
- how effective is the herd-immunity approach?
- how do we know that all those who are dying have unquestionably died of the virus and not another condition?
- why are some countries suffering so much more than others? What’s different about them?
- an economic crash is expected.What might that mean for us all?
- once this is under control – we’re told it will never be all over – what kind of world will we come back to? This, of course, is one of the biggest questions.
- if we come to the conclusion there is something more behind the situation than a virus, what might that be and who might benefit, financially or otherwise?
- are there any unusual things going on in the various parts of the world under ‘cover’ of the pandemic?
- there is much talk of big roll-outs of 5G, how true is that and what do we know about it?
- Is it true that within the last six months, 5G has been rolled out extensively in Wuhan? It’s interesting to note that Italy and Spain have apparently been investing hugely in the new technology. Does that tell us anything?
- if we know about 5G, might we not wonder if the two could be connected?
- what new security measures will be put into place to ‘protect’ us? And will they be enshrined in law? (the aftermath of 9/11 brought the Patriot Act and Homeland Security – both have sweeping powers and are still in force)
- will our liberties be further eroded?
NOT A PRETTY SIGHT
The questions are endless and far from trivial. We could well be on the brink of a major, major upheaval which could lead to untold hardship, even horror for many. Again, who might benefit from a major upheaval? Who might be waiting in the wings? Sorry, I can’t stop asking questions. I also can’t help thinking about the millions of people whose lives will be so severely disrupted, they will probably never recover. Small business people being one of the largest groups as well as those who rely heavily on tourism.
Incarceration is grim for the majority of the human race. Unremitting apartness borders on unbearable and is extremely unhealthy, emotionally and psychologically– we’re social animals. I predict there will be a huge increase in depression and even suicides if we’re locked down for many more weeks. Some may flout the measures and this could lead to violence. There are, of course, those who aren’t finding the isolation a problem and are quick to condemn those who might just want to bend the rules a little to keep sane. It’s so easy to be sanctimonious when we’re being good and doing as we’re told. We don’t think about those for whom those rules mean life is unendurable – those in abusive relationships, those who have lost their jobs, those who don’t know if they’ll be able to afford to eat or pay their bills, the homeless, refugees and others. My heart goes out to them.
WHERE ARE THE HOMELESS SUPPOSED TO GO IN A LOCKDOWN?
Life might be difficult for Leaf and I, but not nearly as difficult as it must be for others – yet.
As I have said before, knowledge is power. If we do our research and come to some conclusions, we’re more likely to be able to prepare ourselves for what the future holds and we could come together, if only online at the moment, to send positive energy and prayers to those who need them. We mustn’t forget that group gatherings are forbidden. Worshipers of all religions and persuasions (whether we agree with them or not) are unable to attend their meetings, services and rituals and I find that disquieting. I expect many will have found a way to link their followers. If they have, I would hope they’ll be concentrating their group energies on a better world to come.
There are some who say we’re on the brink of a new Golden Age – how amazing if that were to be right!
doodahtwo.home.blog 
I can imagine how difficult you are finding this situation Sue and there will be many other people who are struggling during this time of controlled isolation.
Like you, I am questioning what is going on and I am wondering how much longer countries expect their people’s to be shut away in their homes. I don’t believe all I am told.
My mother, who is eighty four has told me she feels that the old folk in the UK are now expendable. David’s mother who is ninety needs a vital operation and it seems she is being ignored. It is all very disquietening.
And will they really ban people from leaving their homes to exercise in the UK ? ?? And how can the Queen empathise with that ??????
See you soon I hope xx
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Dear Adrienne, thank you for your empathy. Yes, there are bound to be more people who are struggling than those finding it easy to be locked up.
I have always been a questioner. When I was about six I (apparently) said to my parents ‘If you want me to do something, please tell me why and don’t just say ‘Because I said so.’ I have always lived my life that way. I am not a sheep (ewe), an ostrich or a lemming.
As far as old people being expendable is concerned, we get mixed messages on that one. If they are out of sight, they are frequently out of mind, but if the medics and family are involved in keeping them alive, they often have to undergo all sorts of horrible treatments (probably at great expense) rather than being allowed to die a dignified death.
If they do ban people from going out to exercise in the Uk, I would predict disobedience, even riots.
As for what the Queen thinks, I understand she keeps her thoughts to herself and works to a script.
We hope to see you again soon too. xx
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OMG where to start. the world is full of such conflicting advice. Governments appear to be taking conflicting advice. Is the Swedish and Icelandic approach better? As none of us are experts and never likely to be, we are therefore not in a position to judge the best approach, though it would appear that self isolation could be working, contrary to the view from Sweden. For the former (self-isolation) approach to kick in of course it needs everyone to follow the rules and world-wide it seems impossible for people to even stay 2 metres apart! Where billions of people exist, this cannot possibly be policed. In this part of the world people do seem quite happy to self isolate but we do not lead the busy money-pressed lives as in so many places.
Subjectively of course it is a very different case. You sue are in a different position. just having set up more help to give you both a break and for you to have some down time which is so important. Hopefully you can start accessing this and with the change in routine, Leaf is obviously becoming more disorientated and confused.
Not much comfort to you but as you say others will also be in upsetting circumstances such as the homeless and those separated from loved ones, when loved ones are dying in hospital and not being able to say their last farewells which will always stay with them. Hang in there and lets hope there is a downward trend and we can get back to normal. Social contact is so important I think we all realise now more than those odd times we crave for individual time to ourselves. With love and thoughts on keeping strong. liz x
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Dear Lizziekins, Yes, that’s the problem, there is so much conflicting stuff in the news and online. We do have to exercise a level of common sense. As to the Swedish approach, time will tell.
Inevitably the lockdown is extremely hard, even disastrous for some and they are the people I really feel for, even in my moments of ‘poor us’, which I manage mostly to keep under control.
Let’s hope the idea of relaxing the isolation rules department by department according to the amount of cases will happen, although it does seem a bit silly when the virus obviously knows no boundaries. We’re just inside the Gers, will we have different rules to Hautes Pyrénées and Haute Garonne? Where departments meet will have to be a transition zone!! Sorry, have to be a bit daft sometimes – often actually, as you well know! Thank you for your good energy and love. Ours is winging its way back to you! x
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It is very hard, isolating and caring for a loved ones. Most of us will be in this position sometime in our life’s. Keep it simple keep every moment at present, it is easier to handle, soon all will pass.
Lots of questions you raised and there are many many answers and opinions,
is it really is what we want hear?. I think we already know the logical answers.
May every sunrise bring hope, and every sunset peace.
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Hi Kirpal,
I do try to keep it simple but, as time goes by, it gets harder. As for soon all will pass, I would agree except with the word ‘soon’!
I have always been a questioner. If I have a copy of the script (!!), then I can decide what action, if any, I can take and certainly what my attitude towards the subject should be. I may not like what I hear but I never hide from it. Better the devil ..
I hope you’re getting lots of support in this lockdown – family and friends are vital even if we can’t see them. Take care.x
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Hi Sue, a very thought provoking article you have written there, and yes, a lot of questions to answer and understand. I* know what you are going through with leaf, and of course, the big fear of yourself getting ill would be a disaster to you both so Isolation [how ever hard it is] is a must for you.*
*Life here is much the same, I had a run in last friday when a member of a group I am involved in started preaching to me about god saving me , he went on and on until I kicked off and told him basically to fuck off [pardon my French]!! I wont go into detail other than I dont do the Supernatural or metaphysical and I wont play with those toys, I believe science will point the way forward as proved over and over again. Rant over!!*
*So I wish you both well in your struggle , keep safe and if you have Gods, may they go with you ………..bye for now, Paul x*
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Hi Paul, Thanks, I’m always happy to get people thinking and you’re definitely one of the brave ones! Certainly I can’t afford to get sick and am, of course, being sensible, no matter how many questions I may ask and what conclusions I draw from my research. It’s up to each and every one of us to decide how much importance we place in world affairs. There are those who prefer to live in a bubble and, frankly, they’re no help at all to those of us who want a fairer, kinder, more peaceful etc. world.
I too would object to being told God will save me. I have my own set of moral principles and spiritual guidelines. They are mine and all I need. However, there is plenty of scientific proof that mass energy can be generated at group gatherings and if that energy is good, which we hope it would be, then it is extremely powerful. There’s lots online about critical mass power. Where it comes from is up to us to decide.
By the way, I am not an avid believer that scientific proof is what we should always go on. We only have to look back at some of them proclaiming this, that or t’other in the past is the truth knowing that time has proved them wrong. If I’m going to take notice, I will only take notice of truly independent scientists – the rest are puppets.
My favourite saying on this subject (original) is ‘Science is the truth of today and lie of tomorrow’. Take care and keep well x
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Hello sue. I am so fortunate in a way that the timing of Richard going into professional care was before the virus. They have been on lock down for longer than most in UK and fortunately they have no problems there. Of course this means no one can visit but he is happy and blissfully unaware apart from momentarily as to what is going on. I can only imagine how hard it is on you during isolation not seeing friends or professionals is often the only fun you get when caring with any of these dementia conditions. I wonder if leaf can record this time in his paintings. Much love Barbara
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Hello Barbara, It must have been an enormous relief for you that Richard was able to go into a home before the ‘incarceration’. That’s what it feels like. Blissful unawareness is the best state for him to be in, but how very sad he’s allowed no visitors. It must be horrible for old people who can’t see their folks and vice versa. Tests for family visitors should be among the first priorities.
Leaf is aware and is as disturbed as I am about this whole business. Sadly, he is no longer able to paint with any flair – it’s now ugly daubs. Perhaps reflecting the state of his mind and maybe, as you suggest, recording this time in his paintings may be exactly why they’re coming out as they are???. The postponement of his exhibition was a major blow to him; it had kept his spirits up for some time. Now he never mentions it. Sometimes I am grateful for his failed memory. As for me, I take each day as it comes, what else can I do? Life is pretty desolate at the moment. With love back to you. x
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Thank you Sue for another insightful, thought provoking article. We are as united by our humanity as we are divided by our differences. I hope that one thing Coronavirus will do is shine a little bit of light on how much we do actually all have in common, and that many of our differences (money,status, title, country of origin) count not one whit when it comes to the essential stuff. Stay sane, take one day at a time, wishing health and kindness to you xx
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Hi Sheralee, firstly, apologies for my late reply. I read your oomment then was distracted by something (I usually reply immediately) hence the lateness.
I agree, we are united yet individual, and that all our false gods are exactly that, false.
I also take the view that we need now, more than ever, to stick together and not to let vested interests take over our world. And the pandemonium created by this ‘pandemic’ gives them the ideal opportunity. It’s up to us, each and every one of us, to look after each other and to make sure our world becomes a fairer, more peaceful and loving place for us and all living creatures. That is what I care most about. Onward and upward … Sue x
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Hi Sue
I am very sorry none of us can help you or Leaf during this Lock down .
I can only say like others before me that I find it is best to live one day at a time and not try and think about the future.
You may say that is burying your head in the sand !But if we want to remain sane in these insane times I think listening to or reading all the opinions of what the future will be like afterwards is not going to help any of us at the moment .
I wish I could be of more help but stay safe and hang in there ! Xxxx
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Hi Gail, was wondering how you’re getting on with this isolation business.
I know there are thousands, probably millions who feel as you do and I totally respect that. However, there are thousands, maybe millions who find it important to know what is going on behind the scenes, or at least to get some idea. Better the devil we know.
Funnily enough, it doesn’t depress us to look outside the box. I suppose because, over the years, both Leaf and I have taken an interest in the machinations of the powers-that-be, read many books etc. on the various angles and, quite frankly, although pretty appalling in many aspects, it’s also extra-ordinary how they have ‘gotten’ away with so much horrific stuff.
The say knowledge is power, power to choose our attitude to any given set of circumstances.
I think we are all doing that in our various ways whether we’re keeping an eye on the ball or not.
Wonderful weather and L and I are tackling the garden in short spurts. My back can just about manage a couple of hours and L gets very tired, so that’s the only way.
As for the evening’s entertainments, at the moment, there’s ‘Breaking Bad’, not half bad! We’re coping and our hearts go out to those who are not.
xxx
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